Spring Broken


Since the beginning of March, things have been a little different here on the Sky. Spring Break is in full swing and things have been a little cray cray. Our first cruise of the season was particularly chaotic with about 1400 college students onboard. At first it was really cool to have fun young people around and then after the sail away party, not so much. For people who are getting a tertiary education, I have not witnessed such stupidity in my life. Less than two hours after we left Miami someone had defecated in the hallway on deck 4. I’m not sure how or why but, you know, #yolo! Before the night was over, more poop was found on deck 10 and the disco ball in Dazzles had been completely obliterated. It’s just not a party without destruction and defecation!  

I’m genuinely not sure how I survived Karaoke that first night. Karaoke is supposed to be for singing not chanting your weird fraternity chants, but if you have to do it, could you please not stand on the furniture? I also don’t understand why drunk girls scream randomly. Why? 

Meanwhile downstairs, the guys were bypassing the men's bathroom, walking right past it to exit on deck 6 and urinating on the running track, because, again, #yolo! Peeing in the sea I could almost understand, but nah, nobody walks there.

All day duty was a treat because all the kids went off to drink at Señor Frogs leaving only sober older folk on board.  I’m good with sober older folk. Of course, by the time we reached our first port seven guests and one crew member had already been disembarked for bad behaviour - according to rumours, some in handcuffs. Whoopsie!

On the second night of the cruise, the swimming pool had been closed and drained. I don’t want to know why. I don’t. It probably wasn’t a “faecal incident” as they call them, because, as we’ve established, they had already found other places for excremation. 

According to some of the guests I spoke to, in Florida over this season they do a “pavement diving” count for all of the drunk kids who fall out of hotel windows. So far, to my knowledge, we have not yet had any fatalities due to slip and fall running track urination accidents, but it is still early days. All the Universities around the country try to space out their spring breaks so they’re not all at the same time.  Basically we can expect things to stay this way for another month. Yikes! 

My safety message for the day:
Stay sober. Pee indoors. 


In other news:


I came third in a photo competition
Yeah, I entered a crew photo comp and this pic won me a somewhat inconveniently sized photo binder prize thing that (if I can get it home) will totally be recycled as a gift for someone reading this. Be sure to act surprised! 




I did more training
The cruise staff is understaffed at the moment and so we’re all working crazy hours. I haven’t gotten off the ship much lately, so I was particularly inconvenienced the other day when I had to go to a training titled “understanding American guests”. Seriously? Can’t I just get an American to write me a note? I know a few of them. I seem to understand them just fine. At least it was entertaining. Here’s some useful stuff I learnt: Americans are loud and like pizza. Americans value personal hygiene and like it when you shower. And generalising is bad, but also useful! 

I finally found the Queen’s Staircase
When I did get a chance to get off the ship this cruise I went on an adventure with Evan to find the Queen’s Staircase which is a really old monument. I’m sure if I knew the backstory it would be very impressive but I’m too tired to google it right now and pretend to know what  I’m talking about. Basically it’s a really old staircase of about 60 steps carved into a really big rock by slaves so that the British (I think) had a quick escape route to the sea. It was cool. It was also right next to a fort, Fort Fincastle. It’s shaped like a ship. Inspiration for the next one I build out of couch cushions. 

Rodrigo and I in front of the Queen's staircase

Fort Fincastle


My mom liked Rodrigo the world-traveling Flamingo on facebook
Either she’s coming around or she just wants to spy on her frenemy. 

That's it from me for now. Make good choices.


37 cruises down, exactly 15 to go 
Norwegian Sky slip and fall running track urination fatalities for Spring Break 2014 so far: 0
Young girls impregnated during the last four day cruise: Yet to be determined


               
               



            

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Sharon Waugh

Sharon is a writer, cruise ship entertainment host and freelance unicorn wrangler, living it up on the high seas. She also likes to photograph a plastic lawn flamingo in exotic locations because it seemed like a good idea 10 years ago and 53 countries later, it’s probably too late to turn back now.

 Sharon greatly dislikes reading “travel blogs” by people who are just rephrasing press releases or composing lists like “15 ways to travel the world for cheap”, specifically formulated for SEO, with absolutely no evidence that the writer has ever left their bedroom. (This is not one of those blogs.) Sharon also dislikes bigotry and referring to herself in first person, apparently.

To find out more about Sharon and Rodrigo’s travel aspirations read this.