Riding a pony on the beach: A poorly named blog about riding a pony on the beach
And if I had a boat
I'd go out on the ocean
And if I had a pony
I'd ride him on my boat
And we could all together
Go out on the ocean
Me upon my pony on my boat
- Lyle Lovett
That's a real song. I heard it in a movie once and the lyrics resonated with me. I often tell people that's the only thing we don't have on this ship ...along with dolphins in the swimming pool - both of which happen to be two of the demands I make during this one skit we do when we are voted out of Dancing with the Stars and take the losers lounge host hostage. The point is: I like ponies and I always wanted one... -at least until I found out that unicorns are real. (There are nine references to them in the Bible - nine!) When I worked on ships before there was one excursion that I always tried to get on, but was always fully booked: horseback riding in the ocean. What a perfect combination of ponies and the beach! This year for my birthday I finally got to do that - Along with Evan who was also celebrating his birthday. We also bought each other stuffed toy beanie baby ponies.
Since I'm talking about Evan and because I like tangents so much I would like to take this opportunity to point out that this blog was written on his computer as Eric MacBook (that’s my computer - I love him so much I named him along with my GHD, 'Gloria', and my car 'Keiko' (she’s Japanese)). He was sick and just underwent a battery transplant. (That's why it's been so long since I blogged.) Even though the company that made him was started by someone who didn't fit the mould (I was watching Jobs the other day), they expect their customers to. Before I start ranting I'd just like to say if you're going to call it the "genius bar" instead of "the really high table without chairs that you take your computer to if it's effed up after we’ve driven you to drink by making it ridiculously difficult to make an appointment or even communicate with us at all" then you really should provide alcohol. That is all. And this coming from a teetotaler! Okay, I'm done now.
Anyway back to the ponies! So I've wanted to ride a pony in the sea for a very very long time now and it was really exciting to finally be able to do it. I wasn't naive enough to think I would get a pink or blue one, but I did have a number of other romantic notions about what it would be like to ride a pony in the sea. For instance, the helmet was never part of my fantasy. I think when they gave me one that's when I realised the reality of the situation. Not only would the wind not be able to blow through my hair but there was probably some danger involved. The last time I rode a pony was when I was a child and we went to the Lifestyle nursery with the kids from across the street, but this time we didn't have some guy holding the reigns and leading the pony around the nature trail we were doing. We had to hold the reigns ourselves and make the pony go places… and not stop for lunch - that was tricky.
Fortunately, horses are animals and not technology. Animals like me. Technology hates me and does some really annoying impractical things if you push the wrong buttons ...or even when I push the right ones. (Note to self: Don't ever ride a robotic horse ....or a mechanical bull). My pony's name was "Viva" and she was very nice for a brown one. I don't know if I did everything right, but my spleen and my spine are still very much intact which is good because I really like both those things.
We did a nature trail first with beautiful views of the ocean. Going up and down the rocky hills was a little daunting. Then we went into the sea. That was really lovely. - Right up until the part when the horse in front of me defaecated in the water. I was too scared to lift my feet up so I let the poop brush past me. Beautiful! A while later, the horse in front of her urinated in the water and poor Evan, behind me at the very back really got the raw end of the deal as my horse was a bit flatulent (for the full duration of the ride).
Anyway, next time you watch a movie or a soap opera and Ridge and Brook get married on the beach again and one of them arrives on a horse, think of me. That might not be a fresh ocean breeze blowing through their helmet-free hair.
Yeah, I think I'm going to ride a dolphin next. I'm sure they never poo in the sea.
|My"seriously you couldn't hold it?" face|
|A more experienced rider|
In other news:
Gangnam like a Norwegian
Speaking of pony riding, the week of my birthday I started an air-pony riding (a.k.a Gangnam style) flashmob. It was pretty awesome. My dear friends Dan and Jules recently got married and in the lead up to their wedding, the bride asked me if I could help her with some dance moves for her reception and include a Gangnam Style instructional video into the video message I was planning to send. So I did just that and thought it would be fun to intercut it with other shots of some Gangnam. So when we passed US Public Health Inspection and management decided to throw the crew their own Glow party, I took my camera in case the opportunity for some Gangnam presented itself. It's always a good time for some Gangnam!
A couple minutes into the party I asked the DJ to play it. He agreed but I got the feeling it was either to shut me up or because he didn’t understand English. At some point, Evan grabbed a mic and started MCing the party so I asked him and he got the DJ to play it and threw in a "Follow Sharon" into the mic after the song started. If I was impressed by my ability to bring back the Macarena, my Gangnam flashmob took things to a whole new level. A whole bunch of random crew members that I don't know and a lot of my friends joined in with me even though I got the choreography from my last ship and I don't know how many (if any) of them knew it.
Of the 60-something nationalities that can be found onboard, to my knowledge, there are only 2 Koreans. I expected them to greet my cheesy reference to the most overexposed aspect of Korean pop culture with the same amount of disdain as I would have to …um …Die Antwoord? ….Locnville? …Mr Bones? …Yeah, there really isn’t a South African equivalent, - but that was not the case. Now all both of the Koreans onboard like me. The girl one even wanted her photo taken with me. True story.
I have vented about how mean technology has been to me so after Eric’s poorly-timed breakdown, I went to extreme lengths to re-edit the video on borrowed computers and then went to even greater lengths to upload it from various ports but failed to get it to them in time. You can watch it now though, late in true Sharon fashion, right here:
I went to another butterfly farm
People often ask me: “Sharon, if you are afraid of butterflies why would you go to a butterfly farm?” The answer is simple: Same reason you go watch scary movies. Except in my case, the threat is real!
I went with Kayleigh and while she was holding two strangely placid butterflies we learnt some interesting things. We had noticed this one butterfly walking funny and when we asked the guy that worked there what they ate, he said that their mouths weren’t strong enough to eat a ripe banana so they ate a rotten banana which was fermenting. I don’t know if this is true of other butterflies and other foods, but basically, the butterflies were drunk! No wonder they’re so erratic and terrifyingly unpredictable! It all makes sense now.
Then he asked me this chilling question (If it doesn’t make your skin crawl I don’t know what will):
“Would you like to hold a chrysalis?
Um… no, I’d literally rather go swimming in horse poo, but thanks.
|That's right Rodrigo, you keep a safe distance from that freaky thing|
|Relaxing in the beautiful butterfly-filled surrounding|
|Well, definitely one of the lightest drunks to pass out on Kayleigh's arm|
14.5 Cruises down, 16.5 to go
Ponies ridden since last blog = 1