Airport haikus and other desperate ways to entertain yourself during layovers

What to do in a layover - airport haiku

For some people, airports can be pretty boring. For people like me though, once we have reached the end of our Candy Crush lives, we find plenty of other ways to entertain ourselves. 

Examples include:

  • People-watching in itself can be quite fascinating. You can also play “guess the accent” 
  • I enjoy trying on perfume in the duty-free shops as if I have the intention to buy some. I don’t, I never do, but who doesn’t want to smell nice for a couple of hours for free? 
  • Sometimes I just ride the people movers (those really long treadmill things that you walk on) further than I have to because it’s fun. 
  • You can see how many unconscious people you can photograph. - I haven’t actually done that, but you could. 
  • Or you could write a haiku because you probably haven’t done that since that time you were forced to in Primary School. 

Alternatively, you can be like the people around me instead, and spend your time at the airport trying to see how annoying you can be to those around you before someone says something. 

Some suggestions include:

  • When going through a security checkpoint, unpack and repack your carryon at the end of the conveyor belt while blocking other people's access to their luggage which is behind yours. Don’t go sit down on the empty bench made available to you, but agonise over the way you put your shoes back on in the same inconvenient spot. 
  • Lose all concept of personal space and stand as close as possible to the person in front of you when standing in line. Try to cut in front of them if the line goes around corners. If that doesn’t work, feel free to perpetually nudge them with the toddler you are holding which may or may not be crying or (far worse) whining. Don't apologise: They love standing in line next to you!   
  • When you get to your gate, allow your children to sit right next to strangers (who are trying to write an effing haiku!) and then sit much further down the opposite row even though the whole area is pretty much vacant and there are plenty of other seats available. Then, continue to converse at the top of your voices with them, while your husband checks out said stranger (gross), while also listening to a podcast/radio show through his phone speakers because headphones are so overrated. Full volume would warrant a complaint so it has to be soft enough to seem considerate (it’s not), but loud enough to completely derail their train of- what was I saying?

Yeah, I think we should all be more like me. Here’s a collection of my recent work to inspire you:

Boring layover. 
Ow, my freaking sinuses!
Why are you so dry?

Sleep deprivation
Screaming children everywhere 
I want to go now

Playing Candy Crush
Just thirteen minutes until 
my next life starts, yay!

Paper boarding pass 
Please don't you tear you flimsy 
document bastard

If you’re lucky enough to be in an airport with free wifi, type your airport haiku in the comment section below. Alternatively, feel free to vent about the actions of annoying people around you. Haikus about the annoying people around you are especially welcome.

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