The Butt-stagram: Because you haven’t been there until you’ve obscured the view with your rear

(A guide to social media '#travel' success)

Those of you who know me, know that I’ve been working on a travel memoir for quite some time now. Lately, I’ve been looking into what it takes to get a literary agent, and from what I can tell, unless you’re already famous, your chances of getting published are slim to none. Agents and publishers are more interested in the size of your platform than whether or not you can string a sentence together. It doesn’t matter how many thousands of people (87) have read one of your recent blog posts (this one), an illiterate person with 2 million Instagram followers is more likely to get a book deal. 

Well, I too can be like that illiterate person, can’t I? 

So, I have been looking into what successful 'travel' Instagram accounts have in common, and I’ve noticed a couple of trends. As the title implies, from what I can tell, the best way to grow your following if you have a travel account is by filling your “grid” with pictures of beautiful places obscured by overly-photoshopped ladies’ butts. If you’re not doing that, you’re doing it wrong!  

A classic Butt-stagram

That’s the main one. Other ways to get followers (and help people like me lose their faith in mankind) are listed below: 
(All these tips can be, and are, applicable to non-travel accounts too.)


Firstly, you have to have a theme. And no, 'travel' is not enough of a theme

Some themes include:

'Travel fashion' accounts. 
- This is where people (aspirant models) stand in front of different buildings in the same city in different outfits. Travelling 15 minutes away from your house is still 'travelling', right?

'Travel couple' accounts
- Who doesn’t want to see barely or only partially clothed couples in compromising positions in exotic locations? (They always leave me wondering, who took the picture? And if they use tripods, how many of their cameras have been stolen?)

'Travel' selfie accounts
- Selfies so close you can’t tell if they’re standing in front of the Arc de Triomphe or their bedroom wall.

Welcome to Miami!

'Curated' Travel accounts
- Accounts that contain no recognisable people if there are any people in them at all. They just contain overly photo-shopped images, images of places so surreal that you’re not even sure if they’re on this planet. Often, they contain the same exact (public domain?) images that you have seen on other 'curated' travel accounts. (And often, they forget to mention they are 'curated' in the first place.)

And, let’s not forget the 'travel quote' accounts.
- Accounts where people have taken the same pics from the 'curated' travel accounts and slapped inspirational travel quotes on them. Quotes like: "Travel, it leaves you speechless and then turns you into a storyteller." (If you’re not already using that one in your profile description, and trust me, a LOT of people are!)

If none of the above suggestions works for you, you can turn to your posing to increase your internet reach. 

Other ways to gain Insta-fame (and make me lose more faith in mankind but also not as much as the butts) include:

Playing with your hair. 
- Nothing contrived about that. So natural, so candid, so humble.

Holding on to your hat. 
- Never gets old! How else will it stay on?

People attempting yoga
- Coincidentally, this is particularly popular on ‘vegan travel’ accounts and ‘eco-friendly travel’ accounts. (I should have mentioned those in the theme section.)

(There’s even a butt in this one = Double points!)

The lead your boyfriend around the world pose.
- Does anyone even remember who started that? 

And, let’s not forget, the 'being-so-in-awe-of-what’s-in-front-of-you-that-you-have-to-raise-your-arms' pose. 
- There are two standard heights to choose from, low:

Or high:

Or, if all else fails, you could just stick your butt in there. While you’re trying hard to look like you’re enjoying the view, a million perverts can enjoy their view of your natural (or not so natural) wonders. Everybody wins!

If one butt obscuring your view of “the perfect beach” isn’t effective enough, try multiple butts:

"Oh hello, new followers!"

Of course, we won't mention:
Just shoving a travel mascot in every shot for days when you don’t feel particularly photogenic.

(#guilty - I’m like the Sia of travel bloggers.)

Jumping
- I don’t mind this one so much because it takes effort and it’s openly contrived in a way that doesn’t try to look like a “candid” shot.

Or standing expressionless in front of a multitude of murals. 

(#alsoguilty)

I would just like to point out that, with the exception of the photos taken by me and the ones edited to include me, all of these images are public domain/copyright free and freely available online. So, you don’t even need to travel to be an illiterate person with a book deal!

If I forgot any cliches, please let me know? And, if you would like some love for your Instagram account (it doesn't even need to be a travel account), post your handle in the comment section below and mention which of these cliches you’re most guilty of. 

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